Thursday 25 October 2012

Script Draft No. 4

MUSIC STARTS
SHOW TITLE SCREEN: "Home Safety and You"
Next Title Screen: "Starring Alan!"
EXT. SUN’S LAMP – MORNING

PAN DOWN:

Alan is seen standing in the middle of a 50s ‘pleasentville’ style street.

NARRATOR:
(Male, 50s American accent) "America. Land of the free and home of the brave!"

ALAN:
Alan nods his head in approval and puffs out his chest proudly and waves a small American flag.

NARRATOR:
“Though during these trying times our great country is often under attack!”

ALAN:
Alan pauses and panics, dropping his flag and drops to the floor, hiding his head under his arms.

NARRATOR:
“But thankfully our best military researchers are coming up with new ways to defend our proud and free country-.." 

ALAN:
Alan uncovers his head from beneath his arms and perks up his neck at the viewer.

NARRATOR:
"-from the forces of communism-..!”

A soviet symbol appears over Alan’s head to the right. Alan looks panicked

NARRATOR:
“Nuclear war!”

A bomb appears above Alan to the left. Alan looks even more afraid.

NARRATOR:

“And other invaders!”

An alien saucer appears right above Alan’s head between the bomb and the soviet symbol.

NARRATOR:
“We’re going to show and demonstrate, how we can overcome these threats with superior technology!”

The bomb, alien craft and soviet symbol disappear

ALAN:
Alan picks up his small American flag from the ground and waves it proudly and frantically.


CUT TO TITLE SCREEN: "METHOD OF SAFETY NO. 1: Repellant Spray"
CUT BACK TO STREET

NARRATOR:
“Our first invention will be invaluable should the influence of communism ever overcome America. We like to call it ‘Commie-b-Gone’ spray.”

ALAN:
Alan pulls out a red, white and blue striped and starred spray can from behind him and a cardboard cut-out of a Russian soldier slides onto the set next to him.

NARRATOR:
“One simple spray of democracy and any communists you encounter will be sent running for the hills!”

Brief pause

ALAN:
One arm behind his back with a smug look on his face, Alan aims at the face of the cardboard soldier and sprays. A red white and blue mist sprays him directly in the face. He pauses for a moment and cries out in pain, running around in circle covering his eyes. His screams are interrupted by the next transition.


CUT TO TITLE SCREEN: "METHOD OF SAFETY NO. 2: Staying Protected"
CUT BACK TO STREET

ALAN:
Alan is in center view once again, folding his arms as he pouts, his eye covered with an eye patch. Spatters of red white and blue can be seen just beneath the eye patch.

NARRATOR:
“Ducking and covering during an aerial assault can be a real inconvenience sometimes. That’s why our best scientists have made the 'Portable Shelter'; a means of protection to be carried with you at all times."

ALAN:
Alan looks to have spotted something and wanders off-screen. A brief pause followed by a grinding of concrete as he struggles to drag on a large, tall, hefty, hollow tube-like cube of concrete.
NARRATOR:
“This specially designed shelter will protect you from even the biggest blast waves!”

ALAN:
While the Narrator tells the audience about the shelter, Alan wipes the sweat off of his brow before attempting to lift himself up inside of  it.
 
NARRATOR:
“The unique design of the Portable Shelter enables you to use it with ease, keeping you safe with minimal effort!”

ALAN:
As Alan hangs from the top rim of the shelter, it tips and collapses ontop of him with a loud THUD.

 
CUT TO TITLE SCREEN: "METHOD OF SAFETY NO. 3: Preemptive Strike"
CUT BACK TO STREET
ALAN:
Alan is in the center frame for one final time, a frown on his face as he’s in a wheelchair, completely encased in a full-body cast and unable to move besides his head and arms

NARRATOR:
“Our advances in technology through the years have given us the television, the radio and electricity. Now, with the advent of our newest and best technology, our scientists and researchers present: "The Liberty Defender 9000! This new invention will protect us from the most prominant invaders of our country: invaders from outer space!"

Hearing the phrase 'invadrs from outer space', Alan rolls his eyes and goes to roll off-set, but a small controller with a large, red button falls into his hand. A cardboard flying saucer drops down, suspended by rope over his head. Somewhat apprehensive, he steadily reaches out his finger to press the button, wincing as he does.

 
NARRATOR:
“If all other inventions fail you should war break out, the Liberty Defender 9000 will make sure that you have the edge when defending your wholesome, American home from all Martian threats.”

ALAN:
Alan finally presses the button and a blinking target appears on the cardboard saucer.
 
NARRATOR:
"The Liberty Defender 9000 will notify our wholesome American Military of your distress call and immediately send its best units to eliminate the target quickly and quietly."
 
ALAN:
Alan breathes a sigh of relief, thinking he's finally being protected, but the controller fizzles and sparks. The target relocates to Alan. His eyes snap open and he looks down to his body. He panics and repeatedly pushes the buton hoping to turn it off. A rumbling can be heard growing louder and louder as Alan repeatedly hammers the controller against the wheelchair in an attempt to turn it off.

The whirring of machinery can be heard as the end of a barrel of a tank comes down into view right next to Alan. He slowly looks up and right down the barrel. He gulps and looks to the camera, which then zooms out to show a horde of American tanks, jet fighters and missles all pointed at him. Alan holds up an 'Ouch' sign before everything fires on him at once, blanking out the screen with explosions and turning it white.

NARRATOR:
"That concludes this demonstration of American home defense technology, creating a safer America for the generations of tomorrow.”
CUT TO TITLE SCREEN: "The End"
MUSIC ENDS

2 comments:

  1. I like it! And the new 'portable shelter' gag is much stronger too! Made me lol...

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    Replies
    1. This portable shelter was like the original one which got swapped out for a suit :)

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