Script Draft No. 4.5

During our group tutorial with Alan, he mentioned that the previous iteration of the script was much too 'wordy'. The Narrator spoke too much and the actions were much too descriptive, so I've rewritten it while isolating the Narrator's Lines and rewriting the actions to make them shorter.

NARRATOR LINES REVISED AND SHORTENED:

NARRATOR:

(Male, 50s American accent) "America. Land of the free and home of the brave!"

NARRATOR:

“Though during these trying times our great country is often under attack!”

NARRATOR:

“But our best military researchers are coming up with new ways to defend our proud country-.."

NARRATOR:

"-from the forces of communism-..!”

NARRATOR:

“Nuclear war!”

NARRATOR:

“And other invaders!”

NARRATOR:

“We’re going to demonstrate, how we can overcome these threats with technology!”

NARRATOR:

“Invention number one: 'Commie-B-Gone' spray!”

NARRATOR:

“One simple spray of democracy and any communists you encounter will be sent running for the hills!”

NARRATOR:

“Our second invention we like to call 'The Portable Shelter'."

NARRATOR:

“This specially designed shelter will protect you from even the biggest blast waves!”

NARRATOR:

“The design of The Portable Shelter enables you to use it with ease, keeping you safe with minimal effort!”

NARRATOR:

“Our final invention utalizes the best and most advanced technology yet: the Liberty Defender 9000!"

NARRATOR:

“The Liberty Defender will protect you from ALL martian threats."

NARRATOR:

"The Liberty Defender 9000 will notify our American Military of your distress call and immediately send units to quickly eliminate the target."

NARRATOR:

"That concludes this demonstration of American home defense technology, creating a safer America for the generations of tomorrow.”

ACTIONS REVISED AND SHORTENED:

Alan is seen standing in the middle of a 50s ‘pleasentville’ style street.

Alan nods his head, puffs out his chest and waves a small American flag.

Alan drops to the floor, dropping his flag and hiding his head under his arms.

Alan uncovers his head from beneath his arms and looks up at the camera.

A soviet symbol appears over Alan’s head to the right.

A bomb appears above Alan to the left.

An alien saucer appears above Alan’s head between the bomb and the soviet symbol.

The bomb, alien craft and soviet symbol disappear

Alan stands, picks up his small American flag and waves it frantically.

Alan pulls out a spray can from behind him and a cardboard cut-out of a Russian soldier slides next to him.

Alan aims at the cardboard soldier and sprays. A red white and blue mist sprays him in the face.

He cries out and runs in circles covering his eyes. His screams are interrupted by the next transition.

Alan is in center view, folding his arms and wearing an eye patch.

Spatters of red white and blue can be seen just beneath the eye patch.

Alan wanders off-screen. He struggles to drag on a tall, hefty, hollow tube-like oblong of concrete.

Alan wipes the sweat off of his brow and tries to lift himself up inside of  it.

Alan hangs from the top rim of the shelter as it tips and collapses ontop of him.

Alan is in the center frame and he’s in a wheelchair, encased in a full-body cast and unable to move besides his head and arms.

Alan goes to roll off-set, but a small controller falls into his hand.

A cardboard flying saucer suspends by rope over his head and he slowly goes to press the button.

Alan finally presses the button and a blinking target appears on the cardboard saucer.

 Alan sighs. The controller fizzles and sparks and the target relocates to Alan.

He looks down to his body and repeatedly pushes the button.

The end of a barrel of a tank comes down into view next to Alan.

He looks down the barrel and gulps, then looks at the camera.

The camera zooms out to show a horde of American tanks, jet fighters and missles all pointed at him.

Alan holds up an 'Ouch' sign.

Everything fires on him at once, blanking out the screen with explosions and turning it white.