Thursday, 18 October 2012

Script Draft Number 2

Narrative Script


  1. Replies
    1. You've also got to consider that a lot of this is just short back-and-forths between the Narrator and Alan doing his body language. For instance, the each page would only take about 20 seconds at maximum to act out and we can easily shorten the time by getting rid of a gag or two due to the black fade between each gag.

  2. eh? So most of the storyboards have to restart again?!

    1. Nope, at least not the animatic at that kind of polished quality you did (which is awesome, by the way). All we need to do is decide on a final script before we even get started with polished story-boarding. Right now, we just need brief, scribbly, freestyle sketches.

  3. Ok, I agree it sounds more 50s now. We need to do some timings to figure out if we can fit this all in :)

  4. Hi guys - Sorry must have missed this post.

    My main criticism is the use of 'personal dialogue' - Eg. the 'Don't be like that Alan etc...". Avoid referring to the character. A positive 'addressed to everyman' voice over set against negative personal results makes for funnier comedy and a better contrast. So 'Research has shown that...' or 'Our scientist's have been working hard to...' as opposed to 'Poor Alan'. This may mean a bit of a rewrite but it will be worth it to economise of the animation (see below).

    Also, try not to use 'Fade's to black' - They are an overused transition (even if you are referencing the 50's. You can use facts / figure's or text cards as a transition - So after a gag ends 'ting!' (Sound effect) a graphic card appears with an image/text representing 'The Red Scare'. That could be a map, a diagram, a piece of text. Using fades to black also reduce the overall pace of the animation.

    If you take the approach(s) above some of your gags will only need to be on screen for a few seconds and can be mainly 'the results of' as opposed to 'long build ups to'.

    Note 1 - 'Nat's comment on timing', this could be fixed by using the 'cut too' approach.

    Note 2 - I showed Tom an old student movie with examples of this/ these techniques last week. Nat / Joey come and see me and i'll give you a copy to review too.

    Note 3 - You are the directors now so I suggest you take a look at the animation example tomorrow before changing anything. There may also be a way to combine a bit of personal / impersonal dialogue approach to suit your current script.