Alan is seen standing in the middle of a 50s ‘Pleasantville’ style street.
NARRATOR:
(Male, 50s American accent) "America: Land of the free and home of the brave!"
Alan nods his head, puffs out his chest and waves a small American flag.
NARRATOR:
“-though during these trying times our great country is often under attack!”
Alan drops to the floor, dropping his flag and hiding his head under his arms.
NARRATOR:
"-from the forces of communism…”
A soviet symbol appears over Alan’s head to the right.
NARRATOR:
“-nuclear war…”
A bomb appears above Alan to the left.
NARRATOR:
“-and other invaders…”
An alien saucer appears above Alan’s head between the bomb and the soviet symbol.
NARRATOR:
“But our best military researchers are coming up with new ways to defend our proud country!”
The bomb, alien craft and soviet symbol disappear
NARRATOR:
“We’re going to demonstrate, how we can overcome these threats with technology!”
Alan stands, picks up his small American flag and waves it frantically.
CUT TO TITLE SCREEN: "METHOD OF SAFETY NO. 1: Repellant Spray"
CUT BACK TO STREET
NARRATOR:
“Invention number one: 'Commie-B-Gone' spray!”
Alan pulls out a spray can from behind him and a cardboard cut-out of a Russian soldier slides next to him.
He jumps and fumbles with the spray can before jumping into an attack position, spray can outstretched toward the soldier.
NARRATOR:
“One simple spray of democracy and any communists you encounter will be sent running for the hills!”
Alan sprays. A red white and blue mist sprays him in the face.
He cries out and runs in circles covering his eyes. His screams are interrupted by the next transition.
CUT TO TITLE SCREEN: "METHOD OF SAFETY NO. 2: Staying Protected"
CUT BACK TO STREET
Alan is in center view, folding his arms and wearing an eye patch.
Spatters of red white and blue can be seen just beneath the eye patch.
NARRATOR:
“Our second invention we like to call 'The Portable Shelter'."
Alan wanders off-screen. He struggles to drag on a stout, hefty, hollow box of concrete.
NARRATOR:
“This specially designed shelter will protect you from even the biggest blast waves!”
Alan wipes the sweat off of his brow and tries to lift one end up to get inside from underneath.
NARRATOR:
“The design of The Portable Shelter enables you to use it with ease, keeping you safe with minimal effort!”
Alan kneels underneath the rim, bent back as he tries to hold it up.
His arms quiver before he loses his grip, the shelter collapsing on top of him, crushing his leg behind him and trapping him inside.
His leg flails outside and muffled yelps of pain are heard.
CUT TO TITLE SCREEN: "METHOD OF SAFETY NO. 3: Preemptive Strike"
CUT BACK TO STREET
NARRATOR:
“Our final invention utilizes the best and most advanced technology yet: the Liberty Defender 9000!"
Alan is in the center frame and he’s using a clutch, his entire body from head to toe in a plaster-cast besides his arms. His free arm is in a sash and in a separate cast.
The Liberty Defender remote control is in his hand which also holds the clutch.
NARRATOR:
“The Liberty Defender will protect you from ALL Martian threats."
A cardboard saucer is suspended by rope next to him.
He doubles over trying to reach the button with his casted arm while also trying not to topple over his crutch.
His crutch slips out of his hand and he and the liberty Defender fall to the floor. He accidentally hits the button with his face.
NARRATOR:
"The Liberty Defender 9000 will notify our American Military of your distress call and immediately send units to quickly eliminate the target."
The end of a barrel of a tank comes down into view next to Alan.
He looks down the barrel and gulps, and then looks at the camera.
The camera zooms out to show a horde of American tanks, helicopters and missiles all pointed at him.
Alan holds up an 'Ouch' sign.
CUT TO TITLE SCREEN: "Thank you for Watching"
NARRATOR:
"That concludes this demonstration of American home defense technology, creating a safer America for the generations of tomorrow.”
GROWING CIRCLE TRANSITION
Alan is seen in the distance wheeling off into the sunset in a wheelchair, charred and covered in soot. He tosses his small, American flag over his shoulder along the way.
CLOSING CIRCLE TRANSITION
FADE TO TITLE SCREEN: "The End"
