Since Nat recommended that I do the third draft script because I seem to know more about 50s language, I've re-written the script and tried to adhere to the feedback that was given by Alan.
For some reason, Scribd isn't letting me upload my script.
MUSIC STARTS
SHOW TITLE SCREEN: "Home Safety and You"
Next Title Screen: "Starring Alan!"
EXT. SUN’S LAMP – MORNING
PAN DOWN:
Alan is seen standing in the middle of a 50s ‘pleasentville’ style street.
NARRATOR:
(Male, 50s American accent) "America. Land of the free and home of the brave!"
ALAN:
Alan nods his head in approval and puffs out his chest proudly and waves a small American flag.
NARRATOR:
“Though during these trying times our great country is often under attack!”
ALAN:
Alan pauses and panics, dropping his flag and drops to the floor, hiding his head under his arms.
NARRATOR:
“But thankfully our best military researchers are coming up with new ways to defend our proud and free country-.."
ALAN:
Alan uncovers his head from beneath his arms and perks up his neck at the viewer.
NARRATOR:
"-from the forces of communism-..!”
A soviet symbol appears over Alan’s head to the right. Alan looks panicked
NARRATOR:
“Nuclear war!”
A bomb appears above Alan to the left. Alan looks even more afraid.
NARRATOR:
“And other invaders!”
An alien saucer appears right above Alan’s head between the bomb and the soviet symbol.
NARRATOR:
“We’re going to show and demonstrate, how we can overcome these threats with superior technology!”
The bomb, alien craft and soviet symbol disappear
ALAN:
Alan picks up his small American flag from the ground and waves it proudly and frantically.
CUT TO TITLE SCREEN: "METHOD OF SAFETY NO. 1: Repellant Spray"
CUT BACK TO STREET
NARRATOR:
“Our first invention will be invaluable should the influence of communism ever overcome America. We like to call it ‘Commie-b-Gone’ spray.”
ALAN:
Alan pulls out a red, white and blue striped and starred spray can from behind him and a cardboard cut-out of a Russian soldier slides onto the set next to him.
NARRATOR:
“One simple spray of democracy and any communists you encounter will be sent running for the hills!”
Brief pause
ALAN:
One arm behind his back with a smug look on his face, Alan aims at the face of the cardboard soldier and sprays. A red white and blue mist sprays him directly in the face. He pauses for a moment and cries out in pain, running around in circle covering his eyes. His screams are interrupted by the next transition.
CUT TO TITLE SCREEN: "METHOD OF SAFETY NO. 2: Staying Protected"
CUT BACK TO STREET
ALAN:
Alan is in center view once again, folding his arms as he pouts, his eye covered with an eye patch. Spatters of red white and blue can be seen just beneath the eye patch.
NARRATOR:
“Ducking and covering during an aerial assault can be a real inconvenience sometimes. That’s why our best scientists have made the 'Portable Shelter Suit'; a suit to be worn at all times."
ALAN:
A rubbery, black suit is thrown from off-camera at Alan’s face. He scrapes it off of his face and looks at it in confusion.
NARRATOR:
“This specially designed rubber suit will protect you from even the biggest blast waves and the effects of radiation!”
ALAN:
While the Narrator tells the audience about the suit, Alan tries to put the suit on, but it’s a few sizes too small for him. He tries to stretch it out by straining to stand up straight, but the rubbery suit snaps back and squishes him into a ball shape.
NARRATOR:
“The comfortable, form-fitting rubber is designed to be worn under any clothing, so it will feel as if it’s not even there!”
ALAN:
Alan stretches once more, but it snaps him up into another ball shape and he pings off-screen, followed by a loud series of clatters. He zooms counces past the camera.
CUT TO TITLE SCREEN: "METHOD OF SAFETY NO. 3: Adapting"
CUT BACK TO STREET
ALAN:
Alan is in the center frame again wearing his eye patch, but now has a new cast around his foot and a single crutch. He’s pouting again.
NARRATOR:
“In the highly unlikey If the Portable Shelter Suit failing to protect you from the radiation after the bomb, researchers have invented a pill which will instead make you immune to it.”
A small, green pill drops from above and Alan catches it in his outstretched palm. He suspiciously examines it closely. He shrugs as if to say ‘what harm can it do?’ before swallowing it and smiling happily. The lights switch off.
NARRATOR:
“This pill will give your body little doses of radiation over a period of time so that it can get used to the full effect.”
A gradual silhouette of Alan can be seen filling up with a glowing green substance. The light switches back on, revealing a slightly green, glowing Alan, still smiling proudly as if nothing had happened. His hair suddenly ‘poofs’ and falls out and to the floor in a cloud of hair. After a brief pause, Alan looks up towards his bald head, still smiling. The smile instantly disappears.
CUT TO TITLE SCREEN: "METHOD OF SAFETY NO. 4: Preemptive Strike"
CUT BACK TO STREET
ALAN:
Alan is sat on the floor on the side-walk, pouting and frowning at the loss of his hair.
NARRATOR:
“For our next invention, we’ll be dealing with the ever-present threat of invaders from space-…”
ALAN:
Hearing the word ‘invaders from space’, Alan rolls his eyes and gets up as if to say ‘you’re crazy, I’m done with this’ and hobbles off-set.
NARRATOR:
“Scientists have always wondered if we're alone in the universe and have also wondered if that life wants to invade our world. Should such an event happen, researchers have come to a solution: take them out before they take us out. That is why they have invented the "Apple-B-Pie"!
ALAN:
After hearing the word ‘pie’, Alan pokes his head in from the edge of the screen and hobbles back into center frame with a grin on his face, licking his lips. The pie falls from the sky and into Alan’s palm. He takes a bite out of it, but just as his teeth hit crust, a large explosion fills the camera. The smoke clears, revealing Alan covered in black soot and his mouth still wide-open from biting into the pie. The fence is completely blown apart, holes are blown in the cardboard set background and black soot also covers the area around his feet. He stands there, eye twitching for a moment before he finally falls back, feet in the air.
NARRATOR:
“The Apple-B-Pie, short for the Apple-BOMB-Pie, will send those pastry-craving Martians back to their mother ship faster than you can say ‘Boom’.”
CUT TO TITLE SCREEN: "METHOD OF SAFETY NO. 5: Always Be Prepared"
CUT BACK TO STREET
ALAN:
Alan is in the center frame for one final time, a frown on his face as he’s in a wheelchair, completely encased in a full-body cast and unable to move besides his head and arms
NARRATOR:
“Our advances in technology through the years have given us the television, the radio and electricity. Now, with the advent of our newest and best technology, our scientists and researchers present: "The Home Defender 9000!"
Just as Alan goes to roll off-set, A large rocket bazooka-type weapon falls from the sky and thuds in Alan’s lap, weighing down his wheelchair so much that he can no longer move and wedging itself between the arms of the wheelchair.
NARRATOR:
“If all other inventions fail you should war break out, the Home Defender 9000 will make sure that you have the edge when defending your wholesome, American home.”
ALAN:
Alan is covering his face and cowering in fear of the Home Defender, scared of it injuring him somehow. The Home Defender hums with power, but then sputters and coughs smoke. Alan pauses and looks down at the Home Defender, breathing a sigh of relief. The Home Defnder suddenly comes to life and explodes like a rocket, carrying him and his wheelchair as it launches off and repeatedly flies past the screen multiple times, knocking over the cardboard set pieces as he goes.
NARRATOR:
"That concludes this demonstration of American home defense technology, creating a safer America for the generations of tomorrow.”
Alan whizzes past the camera, the fiery rocket exhausted turning the screen white.
CUT TO TITLE SCREEN: "The End"
MUSIC ENDS
